How I Met Your (Other) Mother
by Bardess of Avon
Summary: Modern AU. Jon has some questions about his mother-and his other mother.
1. It All Started When

"Dad."

Ned made a noise to indicate he was listening.

Jon sighed from the table. "I have to ask you something. Something important."

"Okay," Ned said agreeably, taking a seat across from his fourteen-year-old son.

"Did you always love Catelyn?"

Ned was startled. "What do you mean by that?"

"It's just…I've been doing the math," Jon said slowly. "And, well, I always thought it was strange that Robb and I were the same age…but then I realized that he's six months younger than me. So Mom—Catelyn, I mean, not my real mom—was pregnant with Robb when I was born."

"Well…yes," Ned conceded.

"I don't understand." Jon hesitated. "You didn't cheat, did you?"

"No, I would never," Ned said quickly. "It…well, it's a bit complicated…"

"I've got time," Jon said with a hint of a challenge.

Ned chuckled. "Well…let's see. I guess it all started when your mother and I broke up, actually…"

.

Ashara swiped a hand over her eyes. "So…"

"So…" Ned echoed, unwilling to meet her eyes.

"So this is it," she said quietly.

"I guess so." He swallowed. "This is…I'm really sorry, Ashara."

"No, don't be." She forced a teary smile. "You didn't do anything. You just—we just…can't take this relationship anywhere."

"I'm sorry," he said again.

"Don't be," she insisted with a little more force than was necessary.

"I do want us to be friends," he said rather lamely.

"So do I." She wiped at her eyes again. "I'm sorry, Ned, but I…I'd really like to be alone right now. You know, to process everything."

"Oh, right, yeah, of course," he blurted, jumping to his feet. "I…anything you need."

She saw him to the door and gave him another watery smile. "I'll, um…not see you?"

"I, um, right," he said, feeling rather stupid. Impulsively, he jerked forward and kissed her cheek. She winced and he pulled away quickly. Stupid. "Well, um…"

"Goodbye, Ned," she said, and closed the door on him. A loud sob sounded from within.

Ned shoved his hands in his pockets as he walked home. He and Ashara had been dating since college, but adulthood had turned them both into different people. They both wanted different things and they couldn't keep pretending they were on the same path anymore. Ending the relationship was inevitable and they couldn't keep looking for excuses to put it off.

That didn't make it any easier. You didn't just spend four years with one person and try to go back to normal like it'd never happened afterwards. Ashara had been his first real girlfriend, the first girl he'd ever loved, his first…well, his first. They'd talked about marriage and kids and growing old together.

And now it was over.

He trudged up the stairs to his apartment and flung himself on his bed. He wished it would absorb him.

The phone rang. Ned snatched it up, afraid it was Ashara.

"NED!"

Worse than Ashara. "Robert, I'm really not in the mood."

"I haven't even said anything yet!"

"I know that tone of voice."

"And I know that tone, and it says you're not having a good night."

"That would be correct," he said, rubbing his temple.

"You'll feel better if you come out tonight."

"Normally, that would be sound advice, but this really isn't the time, Robert," Ned sighed.

"Ned. Neeeeed. Come on, don't pansy out!"

"I'm not pansying out, I just don't want to go out."

"You're coming out. Or so help me I will come over there and drag you out myself!"

"Goodnight, Robert." Ned slammed the phone on the receiver and flopped back onto his bed. He'd call Robert tomorrow and catch up with him then; tonight, he just wanted to mope.

But fifteen minutes after he'd hung up with Robert, a pounding on his door brought him out of moping.

"What do you want?" he asked moodily as he opened the door.

Robert shoved his way into the apartment. "Seven, you look awful."

"I told you, I'm not feeling up to it tonight—"

Robert waved a careless hand. "You'll feel up to it when you have a couple beers in you. Come on! Don't make me go by myself!"

Ned sighed. "Oh, just for a couple of beers."

Robert roared in triumph and clapped Ned on the back as they headed to the bar on the corner, their usual haunt. The bartender recognized them and had two beers waiting by the time they reached the counter. Ned chose a small table in the corner, away from all the other patrons.

"What's eating you, Ned? I haven't seen you this upset since…well. In a while."

Ned knew what Robert was going to say. That he hadn't seen him this upset since Lyanna died. An at-home abortion gone wrong. That was what they said, anyway. Ned could never help the sneaking suspicion that it wasn't entirely an accident on Lyanna's part. She hadn't been herself since she broke up with Robert for Rhaegar Targaryen; even when Rhaegar was locked away with the rest of his psychotic family, she wasn't quite the same. Robert ranted and raved that Rhaegar had messed her up and she died because of him, for all the good it did him. It didn't matter now; Lyanna was gone and Robert had found other women. His current babysitter was Cersei Lannister, an attractive heiress you didn't want to cross. Ned frankly didn't understand what Robert saw in her except for her looks; she was still in college and seemed to snap at Robert more than smile at him. But Robert was happy and Ned supposed that was all that really mattered.

He took another swig. "Ashara and I broke up," he said, and he was embarrassed about how much his voice cracked.

"Really?" Robert stared at him for a minute. "Well, shit."

"Yeah." Ned took another swig. "We sort of knew that it was coming."

"I'm sorry, Ned." Robert hesitated. "How did it happen?"

Ned shrugged. "We just got to talking, decided this was the best thing for both of us."

"Well, at least you didn't fight about it," Robert said, clearly troubled.

"No," Ned agreed.

They sat in silence for a long moment.

"Are you upset?"

Ned shrugged again. "Not the way I thought I would be. I mean, I am upset, don't get me wrong, but I feel a little…lighter."

"That's good." Robert clapped his shoulder. "Hey, you know what we ought to do?"

"No but I don't think I'll like it."

"STRIPPERS!" Robert yelled, loud enough to make the guys down the bar cheer.

"I don't want strippers—"

"Nonsense! Every man loves strippers! And you're single!" roared Robert. "You don't have to worry about a girlfriend getting upset anymore!"

"Will your girlfriend get upset?" Ned asked pointedly.

Robert scoffed. "What Cersei doesn't know won't hurt her. Come on, Ned!"

"I really don't want to—"

"Come on!" And Robert dragged Ned out of the bar.


	2. Cat

"Have you tried to meet anyone else?"

Ned sighed as he threw his clothes in the dryer. "It's been three days, Mom. We dated for four years."

"And now you're single," his mother said matter-of-factly. "Eddie, I'm not getting any younger; I want to have some grandbabies before I go!"

"You have two other sons, you know," he pointed out. "I don't know why all the pressure is on me."

"You know your brothers; Benjen is still in the academy and Brandon…well. I don't think he and his girlfriend will be having any children anytime soon."

"Why not?" he asked absently, starting the cycle.

"She's one of those, you know…new age girls. All career-oriented and everything. She said she doesn't want children until her thirties; her thirties, Eddie! What if I'm gone by then?"

"That's only ten years away; you'll still be around," he said with a touch of exasperation.

His mother sniffed. "That's what you think."

Ned pinched the bridge of his nose. "Well, Mom, I really have some stuff to get to…"

"Oh, before you go, I'm inviting you to the party your father and I are throwing."

Ned bit back a sigh of irritation. "Another one?"

"It's been weeks since the last one. You should come out, distract yourself."

"Yes, nothing will distract me from my breakup more than your friends asking when I'm getting married. Like they always do."

"Now, Eddie, you're being far too negative. And besides, I've already told all of them, so they won't ask about Ashara."

"Gee, thanks," he said in a tone fairly dripping with sarcasm.

"Eddie, please just try and be positive. Benjen will be home, of course, and even Brandon is coming and bringing that girlfriend of his." When he didn't reply right away, she wheedled, "Just for an hour, darling."

"Oh, fine. This Saturday?" He knew he was going to regret this.

"At seven, and I expect you there early to greet our guests!" she chirped. "Buh-bye, darling!" And she hung up.

Ned hung up with a deep dread gathering in his stomach. The night would not end well.

.

"It's our Nedders!"

He winced as Lyarra Stark reached up to kiss his cheeks. "Hi, Mom."

"You're here early—good. Bennie's upstairs, and Brandon should be here any moment."

"I think I'll say hi to Ben. Hi, Dad," Ned added. Rickard Stark nodded at him in return.

"Just don't stay up there too long; I'll need help in the kitchen. Come on, Rick!"

Rickard shot his son a pained look as his wife forcibly guided him to the kitchen.

Ned took his time walking up the stairs. He never liked coming home anymore; there were too many reminders of Lyanna everywhere. The family portrait in the foyer with a teenage Lyanna surrounded by her brothers (you couldn't tell but Ned knew very well that she and Benjen had been tickling each other whenever they had to hold still), the senior pictures hanging on the wall going up the stairs (her hair had that blue streak that had nearly given their mother a heart attack), the L on the door of her old bedroom (he knew everything inside was just the way she'd left it). He hadn't gone in the living room yet but he knew her picture sat on the mantel, offering up a fake smile just to please her parents. Even the things that didn't have her mark on them reminded him of her. It was stupid. He shouldn't have come home.

Benjen was sprawled out over his bed and listening to one of his heavy metal bands when Ned unceremoniously walked in.

"Excuse you, I could have been masturbating," Benjen said indignantly.

"Ah, yes; masturbating to the sounds of Mom having her usual pre-party hysteric breakdown." Ned took a seat at Benjen's desk. "Hiding?"

"Obviously. Want a drink?" Benjen pulled out a flask from underneath his bed.

Ned took a healthy swallow. "How's the police academy?"

"Riveting. How's single life?"

Ned chucked a pillow at his younger brother. "I see Mom blabbed again."

"Nothing is ever a secret with her." Benjen's smile faded. "But seriously, how are you?"

Ned shrugged. "Not bad. It's more…weird, than anything. I don't, you know, miss her the way I think you're supposed to miss an ex. Yesterday I reached for the phone to ask if she wanted to do anything for dinner; and then I remembered. It just takes some getting used to."

Benjen nodded sagely. "As long as you're okay. And, you know, Ashara too. Have you talked to her since?"

Ned shook his head. "No. I'm waiting on her to process things. I want us to be friends again."

"Guys always do. Girls, in my experience, almost never want to." Benjen took a swallow from the flask. "But I'm sure Mom's post-menopausal friends have plenty of daughters to set you up with."

"Don't even joke about that," Ned said darkly.

Benjen laughed.

"Boys, come down here!"

They exchanged looks.

"Shall we pretend we can't hear her?"

In reply, Benjen turned up the music. It was so loud that they didn't hear someone thundering up the stairs until the door was thrown open.

"Normally I'd be content to let you two hide here," Brandon Stark said in a voice that carried over the music. "But I'm not going to face Mom and Dad alone."

"I thought your girlfriend was with you? What's her name, Catherine…?" Ned asked as Benjen turned down the volume.

"Catelyn, and yes, she's here; Mom sent me to get you two so I had to leave Cat in the snake pit."

"How long is this one gonna last?" Benjen sniggered.

Brandon lunged for his youngest brother and tackled him to the ground. They wrestled for several minutes before falling apart and breathing heavily.

"Be nice," Brandon warned. "I really like this one."

"Well, clearly; you've been with her for more than a month," Ned said, a smile twitching on his lips.

Brandon changed girlfriends as often as he did outfits. Ned couldn't blame him; Brandon was miserably good-looking and had a way of making any woman smile. He'd even charmed Ashara Dayne back in college into going out with Ned, who was too shy to ask her out himself. They'd all been surprised he'd held onto this one for as long as he had; maybe, Ned wondered, his brother had finally found the mysterious One everyone always talked about finding.

"She's a good girl; you'd like her," Brandon said, getting to his feet.

"Does she have a sister?" Benjen asked, laughing as Ned swatted at him.

"An ugly one," Brandon said. The three of them were still laughing and shoving each other as they made their way down the stairs.

"I thought I heard a stampede," Lyarra said pointedly. Three people Ned didn't know stood in the foyer with her and his father; an older looking couple Ned was sure his mother knew from the neighborhood or the sept, and a young, very attractive girl who must have been Catelyn. "Boys, you remember the Karstarks?"

As Ned offered up a polite hello, he saw Brandon out of the corner of his eye stand beside Catelyn and slip an arm around her waist. She was really very pretty; her long auburn hair was loosely pulled back, and her blue dress brought out her eyes. Brandon whispered something in her ear and she elbowed him.

Ned's parents ushered the Karstarks into the kitchen, leaving the siblings and Catelyn to themselves.

"Ned, Ben, this is Catelyn," Brandon said with a supreme air. "Cat, these are my younger and less attractive brothers."

"Jedi mind tricks only work on the weak-minded," Benjen said. He waved his hand in Brandon's face. "You want to bring me a beer."

Brandon smacked his hand away.

"It's nice to meet you both," Catelyn said graciously. "I've heard a lot about you from Brandon."

"Nothing good, then," Ned joked.

Catelyn laughed. "Not really, no. But he did say that you're at the police academy," she nodded at Benjen and then turned to Ned, "and you were going to be a teacher but now you work for the board of education."

"Wow, Brandon's last girlfriend couldn't even remember our names," said Benjen.

Ned didn't bother pointing out that this was probably because she had dated Brandon for a whopping eight days.

If Catelyn was offended by Benjen referencing her boyfriend's ex, she didn't show it. "I think it's important to remember the things that matter to the people around you."

"You should've seen it, she was so cute, she had little flashcards with your names and ages and life histories—ow!" for Catelyn had smacked Brandon.

The doorbell rang then, saving Brandon from further embarrassment, and Ned gradually got lost in the flow of people. He had been correct in assuming everyone was either a neighbor or a member of the sept; they were all his parents' age but remembered that Ned had done this or that in high school. And most of them brought up Ashara.

"Where's that pretty girlfriend of yours?" they would ask, or, "I heard your girlfriend broke up with you. You know, my niece is around your age…"

When Ned was quite positive he was going to pour punch on the next person who delved into his romantic life (or lack thereof), he retreated upstairs to his old room. Well, his and Brandon's old room. Their mother had converted it into a guest room, exchanging the rumpled old comforters for crisp blue ones and adding lace curtains to the window. The posters had all been taken down, too; paintings and photographs of landscapes hung in their place. It didn't feel like his room; it didn't even feel like his home.

The door opened.

"Oh, my gods, I'm so sorry," Catelyn apologized at once. "Brandon said this was his room—I didn't know you were using it."

"I'm not, it's fine," Ned said quickly. "You can come in. I just…wanted to get away from the noise."

"There's a bit of a generational gap," she said with a smile, coming all the way into the room. She held a bottle of red wine in one hand. "Everyone keeps asking when Brandon and I are getting married. I just kept smiling and saying nothing was set in stone yet, because it isn't."

"They're bloodthirsty," Ned said darkly. "Anything you don't want to talk about, they'll find a way to worm it out of you."

"Like your ex-girlfriend?" At the look on his face, she shrugged. "Brandon mentioned that you had a girlfriend I would get along with, and then your mother called and told us to be sensitive around you."

"Thanks, Mom," he muttered.

"I guess I shouldn't have mentioned it," she said guiltily.

"It's fine," he said, even though it wasn't really. "It's just…very new."

And before he knew it, he was telling her everything over the bottle of wine—how Brandon had gotten them together, how she was the first girl he loved, how they wanted to get married. How they broke up. By the time his story was finished, Catelyn had kicked off her shoes and they were lying on their stomachs on the floor, passing the bottle of wine back and forth.

"It's funny how people change," she said, head propped in hand. "Well, I guess it isn't really funny. But still. This boy I grew up with, he used to be so sweet, and now he's telling everyone I slept with him. And I didn't, of course. I mean, not that Ashara is like Petyr—I'm sorry, the thought made sense until I said it out loud."

He smiled. "I know what you mean."

"So, you were going to be a teacher," Catelyn said abruptly. "But you work for the board of education. Why?"

He shrugged. "I wanted to make a difference. And I realized that teachers don't really have a voice. They cater to the parents and the tests. They have to. I want to make it so that everyone has a voice, even the teachers and the students."

"That's very heroic of you," she said.

He snorted. "I wouldn't call it heroic."

"It is heroic," she insisted. "You don't have to save women tied to railroad tracks or run into a burning building to be a hero. You want to change the world and make it better. That's heroic to me."

Ned turned red. "You're giving me too much credit. What do you do?"

Catelyn had an almost embarrassed smile on her face. "I work for a nonprofit organization; our goal is to make sure every child in Westeros learns how to read."

"That's great," he said in a sincere tone. "That's really, really great."

"Do you like kids?" she asked abruptly.

"Well, yeah. Do you?"

She considered. "I think so. I don't know if I want to have any, though."

Ned didn't know why he was smiling. Maybe he'd had more to drink than he thought. "I want five."

Catelyn raised her eyebrows. "Five?"

"Five," he confirmed, nodding his head. "Big house full of kids."

Catelyn shook her head disbelievingly. "Didn't you get enough noise growing up?"

"I like the noise. It makes me feel at home." He paused. "I don't like coming here anymore because the house is too quiet."

"My house is too quiet," Catelyn confessed. "My mother died when I was young, and it just…wasn't the same."

"I'm sorry," he said honestly, because he understood.

Catelyn shrugged. "It was years ago, and I don't go home much anymore. It doesn't matter."

They were quiet for a moment.

"This conversation took a dark turn," Ned observed.

Catelyn smiled. "Sorry. Your brother says I have a fascination with morbidity."

"I don't think that's true."

"No?"

"Nah, Brandon's vocabulary doesn't include multisyllabic words like 'morbidity'."

Catelyn laughed. "You're so quiet, but you're such a smart-ass when you talk."

The door opened then.

"Speak of the Stranger!" Catelyn laughed, for Brandon was standing in the doorway.

The eldest Stark brother raised an eyebrow. "So this is where you two snuck off."

"I was telling Catelyn all about the mucus problem you had when you were a kid," Ned said.

"You had a mucus problem?" Catelyn asked Brandon in amusement.

Brandon pounced on Ned and the two grown men wrestled around on the floor for a moment. It ended when Brandon said astride Ned's back, his hands pinned behind his head.

"This is why I don't want kids," Catelyn sighed. "Oh, get off of him, Brandon."

Brandon rolled off of Ned. "Come on, Cat," he said, pulling her to her feet. "I don't want to go back down there alone."

Catelyn shot Ned a look that plainly said "If I have to suffer, so do you" before Brandon pulled her from the room. Ned sighed and followed.

"There you are!" Lyarra said a little frantically when they came down the stairs. Many of the guests had gone home, Ned noticed. "Eddie, please talk to Rodrik Ryswell, he has two daughters—"

"Brandon used to date one of them," Ned pointed out.

"But not the other one," Lyarra said with some satisfaction. "Eddie, go on…"

"Mrs. Stark," Catelyn said quickly, putting a hand on Lyarra's arm and gently steering her away from Ned. "I'd love to see some baby pictures of Brandon, do you have any?"

Lyarra, overjoyed at the prospect, swept Catelyn to the family room. Ned sighed in relief.

"Well, great," Brandon grumbled. "She saved you and tied me to the stake. I hope you're happy."

"Not as happy as Catelyn's about to be when she sees the picture of baby you in a fireman's hat and nothing else."

Brandon tore after the two women.

.

The guests, being mainly senior citizens, were all gone by midnight. Brandon and Catelyn left not long after, and Ned took this as his cue to leave also.

"You know you could stay the night," Lyarra said a little forlornly.

"It's not that far to town," Ned said. "I'll be fine."

"Your room's empty," she wheedled. "And Benjen is here, you two could stay up the way you used to…"

That was wrong, Ned thought. It was Benjen and Lyanna who used to stay up late, trading giggles and secrets while the rest of the house slept on.

"Not tonight, Mom."

She was disappointed. "Well, at least call me when you get home so I know you got there safe."

"I will."

Lyarra gave him a look. "What was it you and Catelyn were talking about up there for so long?"

"Ashara, mostly," he mumbled.

Lyarra patted his arm. "It'll get easier, Eddie, you'll see."

"I know."

She hugged him. "I love you, Eddie."

"I love you too, Mom." He kissed the top of her head. "I'll call you when I get home." He turned and headed out the door.

.

"Hold up." Jon was looking at his father in awe. "You stole your own brother's girlfriend?"

"It's a bit more complicated than that," Ned said hastily. "Just…let me finish explaining, all right?"

"If you say so," Jon said with an amused look.


	3. My Brother's Girlfriend

It was less than a week after the party that Ned got a phone call from Brandon.

"Look, Mom keeps badgering me to check on you," the elder Stark sighed. "She said she's worried about you, but secretly I think she's just worried she's never getting grandchildren."

"Well, I'm fine," Ned said a little testily.

"Are you?"

"Yes."

There was a pause. "Look, why don't you come round for dinner on Friday?"

"What?"

"Dinner. You. Me. Cat. My place. Friday. Yes?"

Ned sighed as he shifted the phone. "Brandon, I really…I really don't know how to convince you people that I'm perfectly fine—"

"Okay, so come over because you're my brother and I want to spend time with you."

"You're a terrible liar."

"Fine, Cat wants to get to know you better, only I promised her I wouldn't tell you that."

"Cat?" Ned asked in bemusement. "Why?"

"Gods if I know, Ned, she just gets these ideas sometimes. Just say you'll come over? For Cat?"

Ned considered. "Well…okay. For Cat."

And that was how, on Friday at seven, Ned found himself in Brandon's apartment. He'd only been a few times before, mostly visits to assure their mother that no, Brandon wasn't dead, he'd just left the phone off the receiver all night again. It was very big and much nicer than Ned's apartment, though Ned suspected Catelyn was the reason for the cleanliness.

Brandon and Catelyn had prepared dinner together (again, Ned felt sure it was more Catelyn's doing than Brandon's), and treated him to salad, spaghetti with meatballs, red wine, and a chocolate cream pie for dessert. Ned was surprised to find that he was really and truly enjoying himself. He found himself doing more talking than listening—a rare feat on a good day—and genuinely laughing. Once again, he suspected Cat was the reason for all of it. He liked her, and he only hoped Brandon was smart enough to keep her around.

So intent were they in talking, in fact, that it had been fifteen minutes since Brandon excused himself to the bathroom that Ned and Cat realized something was wrong.

"Brandon?" Cat asked, knocking on the bathroom door. When there was no answer, she opened the door and gasped. "Oh, no."

Brandon was on the floor, his head in the toilet. "I must have gotten it from work," he groaned. "Something's been going around the office."

"I'll get you a Coke." Catelyn scurried to the kitchen and returned seconds later with the can. "What you really need is ginger ale and some crackers."

"I could pick them up," Ned offered. "There's a convenience store on the corner."

"You should both go home," Brandon moaned.

"I'm not leaving until I'm sure you're all right," Catelyn said sternly.

"And I can't just let Catelyn take care of you; she doesn't know what a diva you are when you're sick," Ned said with a wry smile.  
>"I am not a diva."<p>

"He once asked me to hand him the remote," Ned informed her. "He was lying on the couch and the remote was on the coffee table. He said it was too far away. You're in for a treat."

Brandon heaved into the toilet.

"I'll go get that ginger ale," Ned said, hastily putting on his jacket and heading out the apartment.

When he returned, Brandon again told them that they should leave before they got sick and again both of them refused; truth be told, Ned would have preferred staying in his apartment and breathing in uncontaminated air and coming over periodically to check on Brandon, but he felt that it would be a dick move to leave Catelyn to take care of his brother. He wondered if she was only staying because she didn't want to do the same thing to Ned.

After getting Brandon settled with crackers, water, and ginger ale, Ned and Catelyn sat down in the living room to watch television and take turns checking on Brandon during the commercial breaks.

"Are all the Stark men such babies?" Catelyn asked when she came back from checking on Brandon the fifth time.

"Benjen's worse," Ned chuckled. "He always acts like he's on his deathbed. And my dad, I don't think he really feels as awful as he claims, I think he just milks the attention my mom gives him."

"And what about you?" she teased. "Are you as big of a baby as your brothers?"

"Nah, I can't afford to be a baby; I'm always the one taking care of them."

She smiled. "You let people walk all over you, did you know that?"

He glanced at her. "No?"

"Well, you do." She kicked off her shoes and tucked her feet underneath her. "You're a people-pleaser."

Ned was floored. "Maybe…my family just likes taking guilt trips."

"Yes, that's probably part of it," she agreed. "But you're still a people-pleaser."

"I'm…not. I don't think?" Suddenly he wasn't really very sure.

"You are," she assured him.

"Well…thank you. I think."

Catelyn gave a small laugh. "I'm sorry, I know I come off too strong sometimes. I'm very…opinionated."

"That's a good thing to be," said Ned.

She shrugged, watching whatever sitcom they had settled on. "It can be. My father always told me never to apologize for myself, you know, trying to teach me to be strong and all that…and I always thought that was the way you were supposed to be. But then I grew up and I've started to realize…I don't know…people don't like that sort of thing."

"I like it," Ned said without thinking. "I mean, I think it…I think it's good. And I wish I could be more like that."

Catelyn glanced at him. "Why? What would you do if you spoke your mind all the time?"

He had to think about it. "I…don't know. I think…I think I would try saying 'no' more often. I don't know."

"Don't back down," she ordered. "You would say 'no' more often. To what?"

"I don't know—"

"Yes, you do."

He exhaled noisily. "I wouldn't let my mom guilt trip me all the time. And I would stop doing so many favors for people all the time."

"Good." Catelyn sat back in satisfaction. "We're going to make an assertive man out of you yet, Ned Stark."

"That sounds…fun."

She threw a throw pillow at him.

.

"We stayed up all night," Ned confessed. "Like kids at a sleepover. Just talking."

"Right. Talking," Jon said with a sly look.

Ned made a disgruntled noise. "She was still dating my brother, who was throwing up in the next room, if you remember."

"Whatever you say," Jon sang.

Ned rolled his eyes. "So anyway…"

.

When Ned woke on Saturday, it was to find Catelyn making breakfast.

"Did I wake you up?" she asked apologetically as he shuffled into the kitchen.

"No, but the smell of bacon did," he said, rubbing sleep from his eyes.

Catelyn smiled. "I hope I did it right; I've only made bacon a couple times. Brandon's the bacon connoisseur around here."

Ned felt guilty for only just remembering that his brother was sick in the bathroom. He went to go check on him (and also because he really had to pee).

Brandon was curled up in the bathtub, snoring loudly. He woke up when Ned flushed the toilet.

"What time is it?" he croaked.

"About eleven," said Ned, washing his hands. "Catelyn's making breakfast."

"Gods bless her." Brandon eased up into a sitting position. "I can't believe you two stayed the night."

"Yeah, well, you've got a devoted girlfriend and I didn't have anything better to do," Ned joked. "Seriously, man, I hope you keep her around. She's making bacon."

"She doesn't make it greasy enough," Brandon whined. "But yeah, no, she's…something."

"She's amazing; it isn't any woman that would put up with you when you're sick. Not to mention the bacon. Have I mentioned she's making bacon?"

Brandon gave him a look Ned couldn't quite identify. "You mentioned it two or five times. But seriously, I don't think I can handle bacon right now; can you just bring me toast? And some more water?"

Ned dutifully brought these things to Brandon and then helped Catelyn move him to the bedroom, where he fell asleep again almost instantly. Ned and Catelyn moved to the kitchen and ate the pancakes, bacon and eggs she'd prepared. They were, as Ned had suspected, some of the best he'd ever eaten.

"I'm the oldest child; I had to take care of my siblings a lot," Catelyn said after he'd complimented her cooking. "I make amazing pancakes, if I do say so myself."

"And bacon," Ned added.

Catelyn smirked. "Tell that to your brother when he's awake. He doesn't like my bacon."

"Brandon doesn't like when anyone can do anything better than him." Ned froze, his fork halfway to his mouth. "I'm sorry, that came out wrong…"

"No, I understand," she laughed. "His pride is easily wounded. It's okay." When Ned raised his eyebrows, she elaborated, "Look, just because I'm dating him doesn't mean I don't recognize his flaws. Honestly, I think people who don't see or refuse to see other people's flaws are doing that person a disservice."

"How do you mean?" he wanted to know.

She considered it as she drizzled syrup onto her pancakes. "Well…it's sort of the same as objectifying them, you know? They're placing them on a pedestal so high that they don't view them as human anymore."

Ned had never thought of it that way. "I guess that makes sense. Only…I don't know, what if you do think someone is perfect?"

"Then you're not looking hard enough. Everyone has imperfections. When you accept their imperfections, you're loving them. When you pretend they aren't there or justify them as perfections, then you're loving the idea of them and not the person themselves."

Ned stared at her. "That's…well, then."

They finished their breakfast in relative silence, but Ned's mind wouldn't stop going. He wondered if that had been part of why he and Ashara had broken up—he'd always called her perfect and honestly believed it. Maybe she'd been tired of being his perfect girl—maybe she wanted to be treated like a person instead of an idea. He wondered if all women felt this way or if it was just Catelyn.

It was a lot to digest.

.

Monday mornings are not known for being happy. So when Ned walked into work that Monday morning, he was surprised when at least three different people commented on the "spring" in his step.

"Looks like someone had a good weekend," Jon Arryn, his supervisor and former professor at the Eyrie, commented slyly.

"You had fun without me?" Robert demanded indignantly.

"I wouldn't exactly call it 'fun'," Ned said to both of them. "Brandon got sick and Catelyn and I stayed with him all weekend. It was nice, apart from him being sick."

"Who's Catelyn?" Jon wanted to know immediately.

"Brandon's girlfriend," Ned said before either of the two men could get any ideas.

"And you two spent all weekend taking care of him?" Robert asked dubiously. "Just…taking care of him?"

"Well, he slept most of the time, but yeah. We just, you know, hung around. It was nice." He supposed when he said it out loud, it really didn't sound like a lot of fun.

"I think that breakup got to his head," Jon said to Robert as if Ned wasn't sitting in between them.

"Ah, forget it," Ned said, turning to boot up his computer. His phone rang and he picked it up. "Ned Stark."

"Oh, good, I got the right number!" It was Catelyn's voice. "Sorry to bother you at work, but I remember your mother said you never check your machine at home."

"Oh, well, that's what I tell her when I don't call her back," he said guiltily.

"Oh!" She laughed. "Well, look, I just wanted to let you know that I accidentally took your shirt home with me. The flannel one. But I'm about to do laundry and I'll get it to you today or tomorrow."

"Don't worry about it; you can just give it to me next time we see each other," he said kindly.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I won't need it."

"Okay then. See you soon," she said in a warm tone.

"See you," he echoed, hanging up. When he looked up, he saw Jon and Robert smirking at him. "What's with you?"

"That shit-eating grin on your face," Robert said. "You dog, you're keeping something from us!"

"I'm not," Ned said, trying (rather unsuccessfully) to wipe the smile off his face.

"You are," Jon corrected. "Who's the girl?"

"There is no girl, I was just talking to Catelyn. You know, Brandon's girlfriend."

The two men exchanged looks.

"Oof, lad," Jon said in a pitying voice.

"What is it?" Ned complained.

They exchanged another look.

"It's only…" Jon began delicately. "Well…I don't know if I should say…"

"Best not," Robert said in the tone a doctor might use when deciding not to tell a patient they have three days to live. "He'll figure it out soon enough."

"Figure what out?" Ned wanted to know.

But they didn't answer him; instead, they turned to their work and let Ned turn to his.

.

"Oh my gods, Dad, you were totally in love!" Jon accused.

"I…realize that now," Ned admitted. "But I didn't at the time. I'd just gotten out of a long relationship, remember, and she was my brother's girlfriend."

"Bow-bow."

"Stop."


	4. Love is in the Air

Robert showed up to work on Thursday and announced that he and Cersei were engaged.

"Really?" Ned asked with wide eyes. "That…happened fast."

"I think what Ned means is congratulations," Jon said pointedly.

"Yes, congratulations," Ned parroted.

"I know, it is a little soon," Robert admitted. "But it was always going to happen; I figured I might as well ask her now. The wedding won't be for at least another year or two, but you know…there it is."

"That's wonderful," Jon said.

The moment Robert left for his usual morning visit to the bathroom, Jon turned to Ned. "Oh boy."

"Oh boy is right." Ned ran a hand through his hair. "Do you think her father blackmailed him?"

"What, blackmailed Robert?" Jon raised his eyebrows. "I love him like a son, and you know that, but Tywin Lannister has been on the cover of Forbes magazine three different times. He's the wealthiest man in the world. He could land any man his daughter wanted. Why would he blackmail a member of the board of education to marry his daughter?"

He had a point. "Maybe she's pregnant."

"Maybe, but the wedding's not for a year or two," Jon pointed out.

"Well, what do you think is going on?" Ned wanted to know.

Jon considered. "I'm not sure, exactly. It's possible he's settling for a woman he only sort of loves because he doesn't think he'll ever really be in love again; I've seen it happen before. But it probably won't last very long, and we should support him—whatever happens."

Ned considered it. Robert was brash and more often than not acted before he thought; it wasn't wholly surprising that he'd rushed into an engagement. And it did make sense that he could be settling—he'd been crazy about Lyanna, and his feelings for Cersei were comparatively lukewarm. It made sense he'd think he was never going to find another Lyanna. Still. He was twenty-four; he had plenty of time to settle down (and not, Ned couldn't help thinking, with a woman like Cersei Lannister).

.

The news that the Lannister heiress was engaged understandably hit the tabloids, and it was not long before Tywin Lannister threw an engagement party for the couple. Ned and Brandon were invited and given plus ones on their invitations; Ned had no intention of bringing a plus one until Brandon called him two days before the party.

"Look, Ned, I'm in a bit of a tight spot," he said in a strained voice. "Cat's sister is visiting from the Riverlands. She'll be here during the party."

"What, so Cat can't come with you?" an oblivious Ned asked.

Brandon sighed. "No, it's not that, it's…well, we were wondering if you would bring her as your, you know…plus one, since you don't…um…have one…"

Ned groaned. "Brandon…"

"Look, I know, I know, okay?" Brandon said, sounding very stressed. "I'm not trying to set you up with her, I swear, and I wouldn't be asking except that Cat really wants us to bring her and—look I'll owe you big time."

Ned considered it. He really didn't want to bring a date, not right now, but he also knew Brandon and Catelyn wouldn't be asking if it wasn't important. Well, it was a party—the worst that could happen was she would find someone else to talk to all night. He could live with that. "Yeah, okay."

"Thanks," Brandon breathed in relief. "You're the best brother ever."

"Yeah, well, don't tell Benjen," Ned muttered.

.

On Saturday night, Ned showed up to Brandon's apartment in his best suit and politest smile. Brandon let him in with a warning look; but when Ned glanced at the woman sitting on the couch with Cat, he only saw a perfectly normal, fairly attractive girl. In fact, he thought, she looked a lot like Cat, except that her features were sharper and her eyes did not carry the same warmth as Catelyn's.

"Ned!" Catelyn, looking lovely in a navy blue dress and her hair piled artfully behind her head, rose. "This is my sister, Lysa."

"Hello, Lysa," Ned said as charmingly as he knew how.

Lysa smiled. "It's nice to meet you, Ned. Thanks for bringing me along."

"Oh, it's no problem," he said a little too quickly.

Lysa didn't seem to notice. She and Catelyn went to the bathroom together before they left, and Brandon turned to Ned.

"You're a saint."

"Is something wrong with her?" Ned asked in a low voice. "I mean, you made her sound…I don't know."

"Nothing's wrong with her, she just…" Brandon shook his head. "You'll see what I mean. Or maybe you won't. I don't know. We'll talk later."

The four of them set out for the Glass Garden. It was filled to the brim with Cersei and Robert's friends and family, plus a few big names Ned was fairly certain were just there to bring media attention. They found a table with their names printed neatly on folded cards; they had not been sitting long when Jon Arryn joined them.

"Jon, it's good to see you!" Brandon said warmly. "I don't think you've met my girlfriend yet, Catelyn…"

"Oh, Catelyn!" Jon said in a voice that was far too eager; he glanced at Ned and winked. "Lovely to meet you, Catelyn; I'm Jon. I had Ned and Robert in undergrad and now they work for me, poor bastards. But who is your charming companion?"

Catelyn exchanged a grin with Lysa. "This is my younger sister, Lysa."

"It's wonderful to meet you, Lysa," Jon said, taking the empty seat beside her.

Lysa let out a shrill giggle, turning her back on Ned and her full attention on Jon. Ned glanced at Brandon and Catelyn; Brandon low-fived him under the table.

They'd all just settled down with plates of hors d'oeuvres when Tywin Lannister got up on the DJ's raised platform and spoke into the microphone.

"Thank you all for coming this evening to celebrate the recent engagement of my daughter, Cersei, to Robert Baratheon." The room burst into applause, which Tywin looked annoyed at having to wait for. "I could not ask for a finer young man to marry my beloved daughter." But Tywin looked as if he could have asked for a finer young man. "I don't believe there has been a date set, but we look forward to seeing all of you at the wedding. Thank you." He left the stage as quickly as possible while still maintaining his dignity.

"That was heartfelt," Brandon sniggered. "Well, I'm going to take advantage of the open bar. Anyone care to join me?"

"No, thanks," Ned and Catelyn said. Jon and Lysa were too wrapped up in their own conversation to hear anything anyone else was saying. Brandon shrugged and walked off.

"So who is this Robert?" Catelyn asked. "And Cersei. I don't know anything about either of them; Brandon just said Robert was your friend."

"A bit more by force than choice," Ned chuckled. "We went to undergrad together; we were randomly selected to be roommates freshman year and we became attached at the hip."

"What's he like?"

"Very loud," Ned replied with a smile. "He's…well, I don't know how well you'd get on with him. He's a bit…indelicate, I guess, but his heart's in the right place. He once knocked a guy's teeth out because he called me a pansy."

"That was…nice of him, I suppose," Catelyn laughed. "And Cersei?"

Ned tried not to let his face fall. "She's…well, not exactly who I would have picked for Robert, but there have been odder couples. She's very…well, she's Tywin Lannister's daughter. I don't know how to put it any better than that."

Catelyn seemed to understand. "Well, I'm sure they'll make each other very happy."

"Mm-hmm," Ned responded noncommittally.

Catelyn glanced at her sister, who had a hand on Jon's arm. "I would apologize for my sister being such a bad date, but I mean, it's not exactly as if you two were straining at the leash to come together."

Ned gave her a guilty smile. "Was it that obvious?"

She shook her head, returning his smile. "Nah; but I know you don't like being set up with girls, and Lysa is still nursing a crush on a boy back home. Well, I thought she was," she corrected herself as Lysa giggled at something Jon was saying. "And anyway, now you can keep me company."

"I'm sure Brandon will be back," Ned offered lamely.

She waved a hand. "I don't care. As much fun as schmoozing with people I've never met before sounds, I do have a duty to my little sister."

"NED!"

Ned smiled and rose to greet his friend. Robert slapped him on the back and then moved to do the same to Jon. "Ah, I'm glad you both could make it! And you've brought dates!"

"Not exactly," Ned said, wanting to dispel that notion as quickly as possible. "This is Catelyn Tully—Brandon's girlfriend—and her sister Lysa."

"CAT!" Robert declared, shaking her hand. "Can I call you Cat?"

"Of course you can," she declared gracefully. "And you must be Robert?"

Robert slapped his forehead. "I'm sorry, I forgot to introduce myself! Yeah, I'm Robert, nice to meet you both." He moved to shake Lysa's hand, but not before sending Jon a sly look. "I'll see if I can't bring Cersei over to say hello."

"Well, we understand if she can't, of course," Ned said in what he hoped was a nonchalant tone. Catelyn shot him an amused glance.

"Nah, I'll bring her right over. CERSEI!" Robert dove into the surge of guests and reemerged a moment later with his fiancée.

Cersei Lannister exuded the same sort of confidence Ned imagined a queen might. She moved comfortably in her impossibly high heels and skin-tight dress, and she had the look of someone who was mildly bored with everything. When she came up to Ned, she lazily shook his hand in greeting.

"It's nice to see you again, Cersei," Ned said as genuinely as he knew how.

"Thanks," she said with the barest of smiles.

"Cers, this is Jon Arryn, I've told you about him, and Brandon's girlfriend Catelyn Tully and her sister Lysa."

"Thank you all for coming," Cersei said, eyes drifting over all of them. "I'd love to stay and chat, but as you can see there are quite a lot of people here I should play hostess to, so if you'll excuse me…" And she disappeared.

Robert gave Ned and Jon an embarrassed look. "Sorry about that—social butterfly, she is…"

"We understand," Jon said kindly.

"I'm very happy for both of you," Catelyn offered, and that seemed to make Robert feel a bit better.

"Thanks, Cat." His eyes drifted to Ned. "Ned, could you come with me a moment?"

"Sure." Ned followed him out of the ballroom (though not before Robert had grabbed a bottle of wine on his way out) and to the garden outside. "What's going on?"

"I don't think I'm cut out for this, Ned." Robert yanked the cork out of the bottle with a glunk. "All this…hobnobbing, schmoozing, whatever the bloody word is." He took a swig. "All this time I've been with Cersei, I thought, gods, I'm lucky to have this glamorous woman on my arm. And I am, I know I am. But I don't know if I have what it takes to be a Lannister."

"You won't be a Lannister."

"I'll be married to a Lannister, and that's as good as." He wiped his mouth, handing the bottle over to Ned. "Without you and Jon, I'd be nothing. I was a bully in school and I'm not that smart."

"You are smart," Ned said fiercely. "Maybe not in the way Tywin Lannister is smart, but he's Tywin Lannister for a reason. If more people were like him, he wouldn't be the wealthiest man in Westeros."

"I guess."

"It won't always be like this," Ned tried to reassure his best friend.

"You say that, but…look. This family is in the news all the time over some blasted thing or other. I'm going to have to become part of this family. I'll have to go to every stupid fucking party and tennis match and cotillion and whatever the bloody hell else rich people do. What am I supposed to do?"

"Become an alcoholic."

Robert let out a wry chuckle. "Don't think I haven't considered it."

Ned clapped him on the back. "You'll be fine. I have faith in you."

"It's nice to know somebody does," Robert mumbled. "But really, thanks, Ned. I needed that."

"That's what I'm here for."

When they reentered the ballroom, Brandon was nowhere to be found, and Catelyn was sitting alone at the table.

"All alone?" Ned asked.

She sent him a wry smile. "Lysa's dancing with Jon."

"And my idiot brother hasn't come back?" When she shook her head, Ned held out a hand. "Come on. Let's dance."

"You don't strike me as the dancing type," she said, taking his hand nevertheless.

"I'm not, really," he admitted. "But I didn't think you would judge me too harshly for it."

She gave him a mock-stern look. "On the contrary, I'm judging you quite a lot. It's been statistically proven that men who don't know how to dance are intellectually inferior."

"Really?"

She laughed. "No. But wouldn't it be funny if it was true?"

They were joking about Ned's inability to dance (Catelyn had to lead him through the steps) when an older couple nearby smiled at them.

"You two make such a lovely couple," the woman commented. "How long have you been together?"

Ned and Catelyn exchanged a look.

"Well…"

"Three months," Catelyn said, sending a dazzling smile to the woman. "I'm just crazy about him."

"That's so sweet," the woman cooed.

"Come on—honey," Ned said, trying to fight off a grin. He and Catelyn became separated from the older couple and they burst into laughter.

"We do make a handsome couple, though," she said, nodding towards the mirror behind the bar. Ned saw their reflection and was surprised to find that she was right—they looked good together. They fit, somehow. He looked down at her to make a joke about the height difference, but the light caught her a certain way and the joke died in his throat.

"You look really beautiful," he said instead.

Her cheeks turned the faintest shade of pink. "Thank you." She ducked her head, looking to the side—and saw Brandon staring right at them. She stood frozen for a moment before offering him a tentative smile.

Brandon didn't smile back.


	5. Hello I Love You

Monday morning rolled around and Jon practically floated into the office.

"Morning, boys!" he said cheerily.

"All right, who are you and what the hell have you done with Jon?" Robert demanded.

Jon laughed. "If I'm being honest, I feel like a new man."

"Lysa?" Ned guessed.

Robert looked nonplussed. "Lysa? What, Cat's mousy little sister?"

"She isn't mousy," Jon defended. "She's perfectly lovely."

"Gods, you're mad about the girl." Robert looked amused. "Bit young for you though, don't you think?"

"Age is just a number," Jon reminded them.

"Right," said Ned. "And jail is just a room."

Robert roared with laughter while Jon scowled.

"That's enough."

"Sorry, Jon," Ned said with a smile tugging at his lips. "You know we're just messing with you."

"We're very happy for you," Robert chortled.

Ned's phone rang.

"This is Ned Stark."

"Ned? This is Catelyn."

He found himself smiling into the receiver. "Hi, Cat."

"Hi." She took a deep breath. "Look, can I ask you a favor?"

"Absolutely not."

She ignored him. "Lysa won't stop talking about Jon, and I thought….well, I was going to take her shopping, and then if we oh-so-casually stopped by to say hello to dear old Ned…"

"You're starting to sound like my mother."

"Just for that, I'm never giving you your shirt back."

"Ah, I forgot about the shirt. Well, in that case, I retract my previous statement."

"Too late, I'm staking my claim."

"…are you going to pee on it?"

"Ned!"

He laughed. "Of course you can stop by to say hello to dear old Ned."

"Thank you. Tell me how to get to your office again."

Ned gave her instructions and hung up.

Sure enough, a couple hours later, Catelyn and Lysa breezed into the office.

"Hello, Ned!" Catelyn said easily. "I hope we're not bothering you, we just wanted to stop by and say hello."

"Ah, yes, because we're so busy all the time," Ned said. He and Robert were playing ping-pong over their desks.

Jon practically tripped out of his office. "Hello, Lysa!"

"Hello, Jon," Lysa returned with a wide smile. "Surprise! We, er, Cat, wanted to come by and say hello to Ned."

"Did she, now?" Robert asked with a significant look at Ned.

Ned sent the ping-pong ball to Robert's face.

Lysa went into see Jon's office, leaving Catelyn with Ned and Robert.

"Thanks for having us at the party, Robert," Catelyn said graciously. "We had a really good time."

"That's great," Robert said. "Wish I could've stuck around more, but you know...duty called and all that. But I did get to see you and Ned dancing!" he added with a sly look at Ned. "You make a handsome couple."

"So we've been told," Ned said, trying not to sound too annoyed.

"I am sorry I didn't get much of a chance to talk to Brandon, though," Robert said, sensing Ned's discomfort. "How's he doing?"

"He's fine," said Ned, glancing at Catelyn.

She looked suddenly rather tense. "He's just fine," she said with a smile that didn't feel quite real.

Jon and Lysa emerged from his office.

"I've got an idea," Jon said. "Let's all go out to lunch, all five of us!"

"Now?" Ned asked, glancing at his watch. "We've got another hour until lunch."

"I'm your boss, aren't I?" Jon boomed.

"What he's saying is he's forcing us to go to lunch," Robert said. "Well, all right, but I'll have you know I was looking forward to that tuna sandwich."

"Oh, all right," Ned agreed. "Should we call Brandon, make it an even six?"

Catelyn became even tenser. "I don't think that's a good idea."

"Why not?"

She looked as if she was trying very hard not to get angry. "He's…very busy. With work. We shouldn't bother him."

Ned sensed that there was something more, but he wasn't going to press the issue now. "All right. Well, let's go."

They ended up at the Kneeling Man, a restaurant just down the street from the office. Jon and Lysa were, of course, absorbed in one another, but Ned had a great time talking to Robert and Catelyn. He had been right in predicting that Robert would be just a little too loud for Catelyn's tastes and she would be just a little too sensitive for his, but overall they seemed to get along very well. He imagined the three of them doing this all the time, sitting around a table of drinks and laughing the night away. Brandon, for some reason, was mysteriously absent in this picture.

.

Lysa went home to the Riverlands on Wednesday, but Ned had a feeling she would be back. From the sound of it, she and Jon were practically engaged.

"I don't understand it," Catelyn said as she and Ned split Yunkish takeout on Friday. It was too quiet, she'd said, without Lysa, and she wanted some company. Ned tactfully did not mention Brandon. "She's been practically in love with this guy from home since she was, I don't know, thirteen? This just seems so sudden."

"Maybe it's true love," Ned joked. But he had to admit, there was a strange kind of magnetism there.

"Maybe," Catelyn said in a voice that indicated she doubted it. "If they're happy, I suppose."

Ned took his time drizzling sauce over his rice and vegetables before he brought up the elephant in the room. "And are you…happy with Brandon?"

She sighed, twirling her fork around her plate. "Right now? No."

"What's…going on? If it's not too rude to ask? You don't have to tell me if you don't want…"

"No, it's okay." She paused. "Brandon is being very…I don't want to say paranoid, but he's not being himself. He drank a lot at Robert and Cersei's engagement party and…said some things after."

"What things?"

She avoided his eye. "Not nice things. He was drunk. He called me on Sunday and apologized but he said he wasn't sure about us. And we got into a huge argument and he told me that we should take a break because I needed time to think. Me, like I'd done anything."

"That…doesn't sound like him," Ned agreed slowly. Of course, normally, Brandon never dated girls for this long, so it wasn't wholly surprising. "Do you want me to talk to him?"

She gave him a wry smile over the top of her beer bottle. "I'm not sure if that would help, but thanks."

But it bothered Ned a lot. If something happened and Catelyn and Brandon broke up, it would put Ned in a difficult position; he wanted to keep being friends with Catelyn, but that would drive a stake into his relationship with Brandon, which had been strained at best since Lyanna. But if he was loyal to Brandon, he might never see Catelyn again. And that was a thought he could not bear.

On Saturday, he called Brandon and urged him to get drinks with him. Brandon seemed hesitant but finally agreed; he met Ned at the Direwolf, one of their favorite bars.

"What's going on with you and Cat?" Ned asked after a couple drinks. "She said you're taking a break?"

Brandon had a look on his face Ned couldn't quite place. "Yeah. We needed to figure some things out."

"What kind of things?" Ned pressed.

"Like if she's in love with my brother things."

Ned's blood started pounding in his ears. "W-what?"

Brandon was giving him a cool, level stare. "Well?"

Ned wasn't sure what to say. "Well, what?"

"Well, have you figured out you're in love with her yet? Or did I just ruin the surprise?"

"I'm not…in love with her," protested Ned, but even as he said it he knew it was true.

He was hopelessly in love with his brother's girlfriend.

Well.

"I knew you two were close." Brandon took a long swig of his beer. "And then I saw you at Robert's party. You looked at each other like…"

"Like what?" Ned asked hoarsely.

"Like you were the only two people in the world." Brandon gave him a bitter smile. "I've never seen her look at me like that, not once."

Ned didn't know what to say. "I'm…I'm sorry, Brandon—"

"Don't be." Brandon took another swig of his beer. "I was mad, at first, but let's be honest; I've never been with a girl this long. It was only a matter of time before we broke up over something stupid." He glanced at Ned. "At least that something stupid is my brother."

"Thanks, I think." Ned sat back in his chair. "Wow."

"Wow," Brandon agreed. "So. Are you gonna just sit here and say 'wow', or are you gonna go tell her you love her?"

"I don't, I don't know." He couldn't think straight. "Is that…what I should do?"

"You're dense, Ned!" Brandon half-scolded, half-laughed. "Go get her, you idiot." He dipped his fingers in his beer and flicked it at Ned. "I give you my blessing."

Ned rose and gracelessly walked out of the bar.

He remembered the way to Catelyn's apartment; the light was on, which meant she was home. He didn't know if that made him feel better or worse. He trekked up the stairs to her apartment and knocked at the door.

When she answered, she was wearing his flannel shirt over a tank top and pajama bottoms. He wanted to kiss her.

"Ned?" she asked in some surprise. "What are you doing here?"

He opened his mouth. What he wanted to say was, "I'm in love with you."

What he said instead was, "I came to get my shirt back."

"Oh." She glanced down at the shirt in question. "Um, it might need a wash, but—"

"Actually, I didn't come here for the shirt, you can keep it," he blurted.

"Oh. Um, okay," she said in some confusion. "Well, what—"

"I love you."

She blinked at him. "O-oh."

"I, um, didn't know, until Brandon told me…" he trailed off lamely.

She stared up at him. "You didn't know that you loved me until your brother told you?"

"Yes. Well, no. Well…" He ran a hand through his hair. "I'm doing this very badly."

"Yes, you are," she agreed with the smallest of smiles. "Why don't you try starting over?"

He blinked. "Oh, uh…all right." He took a step back and Catelyn closed the door. Bemused, he knocked again.

Catelyn opened at once. "Yes?" she asked pleasantly.

"I'm in love with you," Ned said with confidence.

Catelyn jumped and threw her arms around his neck, kissing him firmly.

"I'm in love with you too," she whispered.

.

"I don't understand, Eddie."

"What's there not to understand, Mom?"

"Well I just don't see how you go on and on about wanting to avoid dating and then end up with your brother's girlfriend."

"I'm not really sure either, Mom."

"Eddie."

"Well, what do you want me to say, Mom?"

"I don't know, Eddie, I just want to know why."

"We're in love."

"Oh, sure. And Brandon isn't upset?"

"Hasn't he told you? He's back with Barbrey Ryswell."

"That harlot?!"

"Mom, you can't call every one of Brandon's ex-girlfriends harlots."

"I suppose you're right. Well. As long as everyone's happy, I suppose."

"We are, Mom. We are."


	6. Unplanned Parenthood

"Okay, so I get that part," Jon said. "But six months is still a really short amount of time to fall in love and get pregnant and get married. What happened?"

"You want the whole story?" Ned asked with some skepticism.

"Yes," Jon said emphatically.

Ned rubbed his chin. "Well…I suppose that story started after we'd been together a while…"

.

Catelyn strode into the office and dropped herself into Ned's lap. "Take me out to lunch today."

"Okay," he said agreeably.

"You two are so cute. It makes me sick," Robert grunted from his desk.

"You can come with us if you want," Catelyn offered.

"Oh, so I can third-wheel? Gee, thanks, Cat," Robert said, smiling nevertheless. "Nah, if you're not in here, then Ned's talking about how he wishes you were here—"

"I do not."

"—and between that and Jon calling your sister up every hour and mooning about her, I'm in desperate need of a loud bar with lots of testosterone."

"Understandable," Catelyn said, moving things around on Ned's desk.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"I'm cleaning. I don't know how you get anything done with your desk like this."

"I like it this disorganized," he protested.

"You're only saying that because you have no idea how to organize."

"Tell her I know how to organize," Ned appealed to Robert.

"He does; he cleans up my apartment more than I do," Robert agreed.

"I've been to your apartment, Robert, and I'm frankly amazed at the sea of clothes I walked through," Catelyn scoffed. "I wouldn't say he cleans so much as creates a walkway."

"I like it that way," Robert said stubbornly.

"You know you can't live like that when you and Cersei move in together," Ned warned.

Robert had a pained look on his face. "I know."

"Have you set a date yet?" Catelyn wanted to know. "You've been engaged a few months now."

"Nah, we're still working that out." Robert looked like he was bursting to tell them something. "We're, uh, waiting on a job."

"A job?" Ned asked. "What kind of job?"

Robert grinned. "Don't tell anyone, nothing's sure yet, but uh…Tywin's making an opening for me in one of his offices. In King's Landing."

"King's Landing?! Robert, that's wonderful!" Catelyn exclaimed.

"When were you planning on telling me this?" Ned asked indignantly.

"Soon," Robert assured him. "I don't know much about it myself, but…yeah, we're packing up and moving to King's Landing before the end of the year."

"Well, that's wonderful," said Catelyn. "Really; you're going to love it in the city."

"Yeah, I'm about ready to live somewhere that doesn't snow in the summer," Robert chuckled.

"I wonder who Jon will find to replace you," Catelyn said.

The two men exchanged looks.

"Well," said Ned, "that's the thing. The Eyrie asked Jon to come back and teach. And he's going; he says he misses teaching too much to stay here."

"So what are you going to do?" Catelyn asked in some alarm.

"I'm staying here," he was quick to reassure her. "There are a few schools in the area I've been looking into; Jon's making phone calls as we speak."

"And you're going to teach?" she asked.

He shrugged. "Possibly. It'd probably be an administrative position, but there's always the possibility of taking on a class or two."

Catelyn beamed. "That's wonderful, Ned." Her smile turned to a frown. "Only, when you were going to tell me about this?"

He shrugged guiltily. "I don't know? Nothing's certain yet and I didn't want to, I don't know, get your hopes up or anything."

"Men," Catelyn sighed, standing up. "Well, come on, I have a doctor's appointment at two and I want my food to be digested by then."

"Everything all right?" Robert asked.

"Oh yes," Catelyn said as Ned grabbed his jacket. "My lower back has just been sore lately."

"I can't imagine why," Ned said innocently.

"Ned!"

.

When Ned returned from dropping Catelyn off at the doctor, it was to find Jon and Robert deep in discussion. They looked up at his arrival and beamed.

"Ned, I've got good news," Jon said. "You know East Gate?"

"The correctional institution?" Ned asked with raised eyebrows.

"Yes, that one. Well, they're in dire need of an assistant principal because the last one was caught buying drugs from a student. They're even willing to up the annual salary if you accept now."

Ned's eyes widened. "Are you serious?"

Jon grinned. "Dead serious."

"What are the drawbacks?" Ned wanted to know. "I mean, it seems a little too convenient?"

"You'd have to start within the month," Jon said. "They're rather desperate. I think there's also a security check going in and out of the school—juvenile delinquents and all that—but that shouldn't be too much of an issue."

"It's a good start," Robert reminded him.

"You're right," Ned agreed. "It is a good start."

.

When he went home at the end of the day, he called up Catelyn. "Cat, I've got great news!"

"Um, I have some news too," she said in a very small sort of voice.

"Is everything okay?"

"I'll come over." And with this ominous statement, she hung up.

Ned was flummoxed. He wondered what could have changed in the last few hours since they were talking and laughing at lunch.

She arrived looking somehow paler and wearier than she'd been earlier that day.

"Is everything all right?" he asked her, opening the door wider so she could enter.

She didn't move. "I'm pregnant."

Ned stared at her.

Catelyn stared back.

"Oh," said Ned. He sat down on the floor.

"That's why I've been having back pains," she said.

"Oh," Ned said again. He cleared his throat. "How, um, how far along…?"

"I need to see an obstetrician but…the doctor thinks six weeks."

"Oh."

She sighed and eased onto the ground. "Is that all you can say?"

"I don't, um, really know what else to say." He couldn't stop staring at her stomach. "This is really…unexpected."

"You're telling me," she muttered.

He considered it some more. "Well…do you know what you want to do?"

She took a deep breath. "Not really. There's always abortion—"

"No."

She gave him a look. "I know it's not very conventional and it brings a moral argument into question—"

"No, it's not that, it's…I don't have a moral problem with it," he clarified. "It's only…an abortion killed my sister." He didn't want to say anymore.

Catelyn's face softened. "Okay. No abortion. So that leaves adoption."

"You don't…want to keep it?" he asked.

She shrugged. "It's not a viable option for me at this point in time. I was planning to wait another ten years or so before I had kids, when I was financially stable and had been in a long-term, committed relationship. To raise a baby now would just be…well, irresponsible."

He considered her words. "Even if you were with someone who was financially stable?"

She gave him a look. "We're both scraping by, Ned. And nothing would make you resent me more than settling down with me right now."

"I could never resent you."

"You're going to." She looked down at her lap. "It's not that I don't want the baby, you understand, just that I can't have the baby. And neither can you."

"I could."

"Ned," she said in some exasperation.

He sat up straighter. "That's the good news I called you about. Jon found a job for me. At East Gate. They need an assistant principle." His voice picked up speed as he grew more excited. "It comes with medical, dental, the works. And a bigger than usual starting salary. I can't exactly buy a new car or anything right away, but give it a couple years and I can live more comfortably. We can live comfortably, baby and all."

"This is very noble of you, but be realistic. Children are expensive. Very expensive. Assume you take that job and I keep working part-time. We'll still be barely scraping by. And then there's the baby itself; the midnight feedings, dirty diapers, spit-up everywhere all the time—it'll take its toll on both of us, and we'll take it out on each other. Most couples divorce in the first ten years of marriage, did you know that?"

"I didn't know," he said, "but my offer still stands."

She made a noise that sounded like a growl. "You're one of the most stubborn men I've ever met."

"It's a family trait," he said with the smallest of smiles. When she didn't look convinced, he pressed, "Okay, look, I have an idea. Let's test-run a baby."

"What?"

"My friend and his wife have a baby girl," Ned said. "We could watch her one night, see how we do as parents."

"Babysitting and parenting are two very different things," Catelyn reminded him, but he could tell he'd piqued her interest.

"What will it hurt?" he countered.

She considered him. "Well…okay. Sure."

He beamed at her. "It'll be an adventure."

.

It was an adventure, all right.

Kyra, the pint-sized demon in question, started off sleeping in her crib when her parents left.

"See how easy this is?" Ned said as he opened up a soda.

Then she started crying.

She wasn't hungry, her diaper didn't need changing, she didn't need burping, and no amount of rocking or singing would calm her down.

"This is a sign, Ned," Catelyn shouted over Kyra's wails. "The Overlords of the Seven Hells are using her as a flesh vessel, and they're saying 'You are not parent material.'"

"Well, that's very rude of them," said Ned, who refused to be perturbed. He took Kyra from Catelyn and gave her a firm bounce. "Hey," he said firmly. "Stop crying."

The crying stopped.

"I don't believe this!" Catelyn exclaimed. "You just tell her to stop and she stops?! Just like that?!"

"You will notice," Ned said with a scholarly air. "That there are no tears."

Catelyn looked at Kyra's wide eyes. "Well, no."

"Lyanna used to scream all night when she was a baby," he explained, lightly bouncing Kyra as he walked around the room. "After a while we figured it out: she wasn't really crying. She just knew we would come running. So one night my parents left her in her room and let her scream her lungs out and told us not to go see her, no matter what. It was the longest night of my life, but she slept through the night without a peep every night after that. Kyra, here, isn't really crying. She was just screaming because she knows we'll do whatever it takes to make her happy. But we have an understanding now, don't we, Kyra?"

The baby yawned.

"Well, that's just wonderful," Catelyn said in no small amount of frustration. "When we have the baby, you two can just have an understanding and there won't be any crying."

"Okay," Ned said agreeably.

Catelyn huffed and sat down in the rocker.

In what seemed no time at all, Kyra was sleeping soundly in her crib and Ned and Cat were watching television downstairs. "I still don't understand how you got her to stop crying so quickly," she complained.

"I treated her like a person, is all," Ned said with a shrug. "Everyone forgets that babies are people; they're capable of a lot more than adults give them credit for."

"Look who's been reading parenting books," she teased. Her hand, he couldn't help noticing, found its way to her stomach.

.

When Ned woke in Catelyn's bed the next morning, it was to the smell of bacon. He stumbled out to the kitchen, bleary-eyed. She was scrambling eggs in a pan and wearing the flannel shirt she'd borrowed all that time ago.

"It's like clockwork with you," she said with a smile. "I put the bacon on and you wake up."

"I like bacon," he yawned. "Nice shirt."

She struck a pose. "I think I pull it off, don't you?"

"Better than I did," he agreed. "But I usually wore pants with it, so…"

She loaded the eggs and bacon onto two plates and set them down at the tiny table, where Ned had poured two glasses of orange juice.

"Last night was fun," said Catelyn.

"Even though she cried most of the time?" he asked with a smirk.

"Even though she cried most of the time," Catelyn agreed. "It was…I don't know. A learning experience."

"I'm glad."

She took a deep breath. "I'll be honest with you, Ned, I'm still not one hundred percent sold on the idea of us being parents, but…"

"But?" he pressed.

"But, I think…I want to keep the baby," she decided. "And I want you to be there. I…I don't think I could do it without you."

His face split in a grin. "Really?"

"Yes." She chewed her lip. "This is probably a horrible idea."

"Probably."

They smiled at one another.

.

"That was fast," Jon observed.

"I'm very persuasive," Ned said smugly.

Catelyn walked into the kitchen and put the kettle on. "What are we talking about?"

"Nothing," Jon said quickly, but Ned said, "When we decided to be parents."

"Oh, after our night with Kyra?" she asked in a fond sort of tone. "You know her parents sent us a Christmas card last year; she's turning into such a lovely young lady."

Feeling brave, Jon asked her, "You really just decided to keep Robb after that?"

Catelyn thought about it. "Well, it wasn't just babysitting Kyra…it was…" She thought about it as she reached for a mug. "I don't know. I felt like…everything was going to be okay if Ned was there."

"Aww, thanks, honey," Ned said, pulling Catelyn onto his lap.

Jon made a face. "Cute."

"Has your father told you the story of how he proposed?" Catelyn asked in excitement. "Ned, go on and tell it!"


	7. My Big Fat Stark Wedding

In no time at all, Ned and Catelyn agreed that they should move in together, and into a small house with enough room for the baby (and, Ned suggested slyly, for any other babies that might come along). Lyarra Stark was very insistent that they should move in with her and Rickard, or at least in the neighborhood so that she could come over and see the baby all the time, but Catelyn was even more insistent that they do no such thing. As it happened, they found a snug one-story, three-bedroom house in the suburbs, about fifteen minutes from East Gate and less than half an hour from the city.

"It's cozy," Ned said.

"That's one word for it."

He came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist. "This is the third time we've looked at it."

"I know."

He lifted a hand to gesture at the kitchen. "Look; here's where we'll eat. We'll put a highchair over there," he pointed, "and feed the baby. And you can make that delicious bacon." He turned her towards the entrance to the living room. "In there is where we'll watch TV and kick back with a glass of wine at the end of the day. The baby will take its first steps right there." He pointed to the spot, then turned her towards the windows that overlooked the deck and the tidy backyard. "And out there is where we'll build a swingset for the kids."

"Kids?" she echoed with a smile. "Who says we're having more than one?"

"Well, we don't want Junior to get lonely," he said, patting her belly. "The kids can play in the backyard, and at night we'll sit on the porch with a cold drink and watch the sunset."

"It sounds picturesque," she said, humoring him.

He took a step behind her. "And right here…"

She turned to see him and her mouth fell open—for he was kneeling on the polished floor, a box in his hands. "Ned…"

"Right here, is where you'll point and say, 'That's where your father proposed to me.'" He grinned up at her. "What do you say, Cat?"

She sank on her knees in front of him. "Oh, Ned…"

"I don't think you're supposed to be on your knees," he whispered.

She laughed. "I feel silly staring down at you like that."

"So what do you say?" he pressed.

She smiled. "Yes. I say yes."

.

They set the wedding for a little over a month away. Ned said he didn't mind waiting a little while longer, but Catelyn was very adamant that she was going to walk down the aisle, not waddle down it, and Ned said that she had a fair point. They'd decided to keep it small, celebrating amongst close friends and family, most of whom already knew about the pregnancy.

But there was one who Ned felt the need to call first.

"Hello?"

He cleared his throat. "Hi…Ashara. It's me. Ned."

The other line was silent for so long that he feared she had hung up. He was about to hang up and redial her number when she made a small noise. "Hi, Ned."

"Hi." He swallowed. "How…how are you?"

"Oh, I'm…I'm fine. How are you?"

"I'm good." He hesitated. "I actually called to, um, tell you that…well, I'm, ah, getting married."

More silence.

"Married?" she asked faintly.

"Yes." He winced. This was a horrible idea. "We're, um, expecting."

"That was…awful fast," she observed. "But that's…that's great, Ned."

"Yeah." He rubbed his neck. "I, uh, I'd love it if you could come."

She blew out a breath. "I don't know…"

"I understand if you don't want to," he said quickly. "I know we haven't talked since…"

"I'll come," she said abruptly.

Ned blinked. "O-oh, well, great! That's, that's great. I'll, uh, send you an invitation."

"Okay. Thanks."

Ned was about to hang up when he heard it.

"Ned?"

"Yes?"

She was quiet for a moment. "Nothing." And she hung up.

.

The morning of the wedding dawned clear and cold. Catelyn, Ned, and Lysa drove over to the sept ("The groom really isn't supposed to see the bride until the wedding," Lysa said, to which Catelyn snappily retorted, "The bride isn't really supposed to be pregnant, either, and yet, here we are.") and whisked off in their respective directions. They had decided that, since the ceremony was so small, they would only have one bridesmaid (Lysa) and one groomsman (Robert). This did not stop Jon, Brandon, and Benjen, however, from wandering into the room where Ned was getting ready and continually bothering him. On one of these occasions, however, instead of a sly grin, Brandon and Benjen looked almost nervous.

"Hey, uh, Ned…not to bother you or anything on your, you know, wedding day, but uh…did you know that Ashara is here?" Benjen asked haltingly.

"Yes, I invited her," an unconcerned Ned said. "I'm glad she came. And Cat knows she's coming, too, if that's what you're worried about."

The brothers exchanged glances. "Well…have you, uh, seen her? Recently?" Brandon pressed.

Ned furrowed his brow. "Well, no, we just talked on the phone."

"Oh." The brothers looked at each other again and seemed to have a sort of telepathic battle before Brandon gave in. "Well, just, um, don't focus on her until after the ceremony, you know? Save it for Cat."

"I…will be. Thanks," Ned said uncertainly.

Jon left the room with the brothers and came back with wide eyes; Robert went next and came back choking down a laugh.

"What's going on?" Ned asked with some annoyance. "Is she with a guy or something?"

"You could say that," Robert choked. "Ned, you can…do math, can't you?"

Jon had to leave the room.

.

At noon, the guests were gathered in the sept and waiting on the bride. Ned, standing at the steps of the altar, fidgeted with his tie.

"Stop it, you look fine," Robert said. "Besides, no one'll be looking at you; they'll all be looking at Cat."

"You're right," Ned said. His eyes flickered to the guests—over his mother and father, beaming at him—over Brandon whispering something into Barbrey Ryswell's ear—over Benjen, giving him a grin and a thumbs-up—over Jon, deep in conversation with Catelyn's stern-faced father—over her younger brother Edmure, looking beyond bored—over Cersei Lannister, examining her nails—and to the back, where there was sudden movement. The organ struck a new tune and the guests rose and turned to look at the bride.

She was beautiful. An ivory dress of Myrish lace swirled around her, and hanging from her shoulders was a cloak of red and blue. Her auburn hair was piled into an elegant bun, and in her hands she held a bouquet of roses. She beamed at Ned and he felt like she was the only thing in the world. She seemed to glide down the aisle (or maybe he was just a sap), and he barely registered that Lysa was walking behind her. Catelyn handed her bouquet to Lysa and took Ned's arm, ascending the altar to the septon.

"Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today…"

Ned heard the septon but barely registered what he was saying; he felt like he was in a dream. He and Catelyn couldn't stop grinning at each other.

Until the septon asked if anyone objected to the marriage.

"I DO."

Startled, Ned turned to find the one who had spoken. A practical joke by Brandon, maybe? But no, the man who stood was on the bride's side, beady little eyes boring into Catelyn.

"Petyr!" Catelyn exclaimed as the guests gasped in surprise.

"Petyr?" Ned repeated in confusion. The name sounded familiar.

The man called Petyr stepped forward. "I object to this marriage on the grounds that I have loved Catelyn Tully all my life, and I will love her for the rest of my life. I love her more than this man ever will, and she knows deep in her heart that she loves me too."

Ned's mouth fell open. Oh. That Petyr.

"Get out," Catelyn said in a terrifyingly calm voice.

"Cat—"

"Get out of my wedding," she said in that same deadly calm tone. "Leave. Now."

When Petyr made to object, Robert, Brandon, Benjen, Jon, and Edmure forcibly escorted him from the building.

"What is he doing here?" Ned whispered.

"Hells if I know," Catelyn replied, wincing as she remembered who was standing next to them. "Pardon me, Septon." She turned back to Ned. "I imagine he thought it would be a romantic gesture, showing up at the wedding without telling anyone and trying to win me back once and for all. Poor Petyr."

"I don't know if that's the adjective I would use," Ned said in an annoyed tone.

Robert, Brandon, Benjen, Jon, and Edmure returned, tuxedos slightly askew and faces a little red but otherwise fine. "Go on," Robert said easily as he returned to his place on the altar.

The septon wavered. "Does…does anyone else object?"

"Nope," Robert said loudly, cracking his knuckles. "Get on with it, septon."

"Right." The flustered septon turned to the pair. "Will the father of the bride please come forward to take his cloak?"

Hoster Tully rose and walked up to the altar, where he removed Catelyn's Tully cloak with a solemn look on his face. Robert handed the Stark cloak to Ned, who wrapped it tenderly around Catelyn's shoulders. She looked good in Stark colors, he noted—the blue and silver suited her. Suddenly he forgot about Petyr. There was only Catelyn. They slid rings onto one another's fingers and beamed.

"With this kiss, I pledge my love, and take you as my husband."

"With this kiss, I pledge my love, and take you as my wife."

They kissed warmly, and Ned dimly registered the applause.

They were married now.

.

The reception was held in another room of the septon. It was simple, as per Catelyn's request, but lovely. Campy music played over the speakers and the guests laughed themselves silly over cake and champagne. After a dance or two, Ned and Catelyn stood off to the side so that the guests could come congratulate them. His family came through first, followed by hers, then Robert and Cersei, then Jon. Ned had just finished thanking Jon when he saw the next person in line.

"Ashara," he started to say, but just then he registered the purple dress that strained against her swollen belly.

Oh.

"Ashara?" Catelyn asked with wide eyes.

"Yes." Ashara bit her lip, wringing her hands nervously.

Ned stared at her. "Is it…?" he asked, already afraid he knew the answer. Now he understood what Brandon, Benjen, Jon and Robert had been guffawing about earlier.

She ducked her head. "Yes."

He could feel Catelyn's eyes burning into him. He forgot how to breathe. "Why didn't…why didn't you say anything…?"

"I was afraid," she admitted to her stomach. "I didn't think you wanted to have anything to do with me. And I heard you'd found someone else and I thought…I didn't want to make trouble. And I meant to tell you when you called about the wedding, but I got cold feet. I'm sorry it had to be like this." Her violet eyes flickered to Catelyn.

Ned was terrified of Catelyn's reaction; much to his surprise, however, she smiled at Ashara. "When's the baby due?"

Ashara was equally terrified. "Any day now."

"You must be so excited," said Catelyn.

"Yes," Ashara squeaked.

Catelyn looked up at a bewildered Ned. "We can talk about this later. For now, let's just enjoy ourselves."

Ashara's shoulders sagged in relief. "Thank you. And congratulations." She looked between the two of them. "You make a very handsome couple."

Catelyn smiled again. "Thank you, Ashara." She elbowed Ned, who stuttered out his own thanks. Ashara ducked her head and waddled off, a hand on her lower back to support her.

"Cat, I…"

She shook her head. "I know you didn't know. I'm not mad. This is just…a new development."

Ned opened his mouth to say something else when someone new walked up to them.

"Cat."

Catelyn bristled. "Petyr. What are you doing here?"

What was he doing here, Ned wondered with no small degree of impatience.

Petyr offered a smile that put Ned vividly in mind of the snakes at the zoo. "I don't believe we've met."

"No, you just interrupted my wedding," Ned ground out.

Petyr ignored this. "I'm Petyr Baelish." He glanced at Catelyn. "The true love of Catelyn's life."

"Get out."

Petyr didn't seem to hear. "I have only ever loved one woman: only Cat."

"You're delusional," Ned concluded. "Not just delusional, you're mad."

"I am mad," Petyr agreed. "Madly in love."

"Oh, get out," Catelyn said in disgust.

Petyr opened his mouth to object, but Robert came out of nowhere and towed Petyr away with a hand gripping his collar; Petyr tried to escape but Brandon gave him a few sharp blows to the face. By the time he was finished, Petyr was missing a tooth and quite knocked out. Brandon turned and waved to the guests. "Sorry you had to see that, folks."

Robert and Edmure carted Petyr away while a nervous Lysa ran after them.

"I don't believe it," Catelyn said, shaking her head. "He's had a schoolboy crush on me forever, but I thought he would've outgrown it by now."

"I think that was more than a schoolboy crush," Ned snorted.

"That…was a little dramatic of him," she agreed.

A sudden cry rent the air. What now? Ned thought irritably; not far away, he saw Barristan Selmy hovering over Ashara. "Her water broke!" he shouted, and the room exploded with chatter.

"Ned, get the car!" Catelyn commanded, already rushing to help the other woman.

Ned could only stare. Ashara's water broke. Ashara was having a baby. His baby. He was about to be a father. A real live father to a real live baby.

"Ned!" Catelyn shouted, jerking him out of his panic.

"DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT, NED, I'VE GOT IT!" Robert bellowed, already charging out the door.

A bewildered Ned went to the two women; Catelyn put Ashara's arms around their shoulders and together they carried her out of the septon and to the front drive, where Robert had pulled his car around. The three of them clambered in and Robert took off like a shot. It was turning out to be the strangest day of Ned's life.

A police officer pulled them over, but Catelyn roared that she was not going to ruin her wedding dress delivering a baby and the officer would give them an escort or so help her she would bring the wrath of the seven hells upon him. The chastened officer hurried into his car and led them, lights flashing and siren wailing, to the hospital. Ned and Catelyn helped Ashara out of the car and into a wheelchair while Robert drove around to park the car.

"It's all right," Catelyn was saying to Ashara, holding her hand. "It's going to be all right."

Ned could only gape uselessly.

An orderly wheeled Ashara into the delivery room and helped her into the bed while two nurses fluttered around the machines.

"Should we…?" Ned asked uncertainly.

Catelyn fixed him with a fierce look. "That is your baby and my stepchild, Ned; we are going to witness the miracle of life and I will strangle you with my bare hands if you even think of leaving."

Ned stayed.

.

It felt like hours in the delivery room, and everyone was sweaty and exhausted and in a bad mood—but when the baby finally slid from Ashara and screamed with his first lungful of air, a cheer went up in the room. Ashara slumped against the bed in relief and Catelyn mopped the sweat from her face, but Ned couldn't stop watching the baby.

"It's a boy," the doctor declared, and Ned started crying. "Would you like to cut the umbilical cord?"

Ned accepted the scissors, willing his hands not to shake; he snipped carefully and the cord split neatly in two.

They gave the baby to Ashara first, after they'd cleaned him and weighed him and taken his footprint. Her dark hair stuck to her head and her face glistened with sweat and she looked as if she'd been through the seven hells and back, but one look at the baby and her smile seemed to light up the room. "He's so beautiful," she breathed.

He was beautiful, and so tiny. Ned could hardly believe he was a real person.

"Would you like to hold him?" Ashara asked after a few minutes.

Ned blinked. "Me?"

"Yes, you," she laughed. "You are his father."

Ned glanced at Catelyn, who was smiling at him. "Go on," she said, and Ned reached for the baby. The two women guided his movements, reminding him to support the head, and suddenly he was holding his son.

His son.

He could hold him with one hand if he wanted to. He was so tiny. His head was already covered with black wisps of hair. He yawned, revealing a toothless mouth. Ned reached out one finger to touch him, and the baby grabbed onto his finger with a surprisingly strong grip for a newborn.

"He's strong," Ned breathed.

His eyes opened, and blue eyes stared up at Ned.

"His eyes are blue!"

"Most babies have blue eyes," Ashara said in some amusement. "They usually change to a different color by the time they're two."

The baby stared and stared at Ned, as if he couldn't believe he was actually looking at him. The feeling, Ned thought, was mutual. Yesterday, he hadn't even known this little beginning of a person existed; today, he was Ned's whole world. The wedding and Petyr Baelish and everything else seemed so far away.

"I was thinking," Ashara said, "of naming him Jon."

Ned considered. "Jon," he said, trying the name out on the baby. It suited him. "Jon," he decided. "Jon Stark. It's a good name."

"It is a good name," Catelyn murmured, her hand resting on her stomach. Her other hand was holding Ashara's.

.

Jon couldn't stop grinning. "That's the craziest thing I've ever heard."

"It was the craziest thing I've ever seen," Catelyn said. "If you had told me I'd be pregnant on my wedding day after a month-long engagement helping deliver my new husband's ex-girlfriend's baby, I'd have thought you were mad. But there you are."

"To be fair, it was mad," Ned admitted. "I still don't believe it—and I was there."

"What are we talking about?" Robb asked, entering the kitchen with Theon.

"Nothing," said Ned. "Just…how I met your mother."


End file.
